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Oil company furious to discover Peter Lilley is an MP
“Global warming is sheer balls; the Earth has ALWAYS had this purplish glow” The board of Tethys Petroleum was outraged today to discover that Peter Lilley, the company’s Vice Chairman and Senior...
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Attenborough: “The End is Nigh”
Moments later Sir David launched an astonishingly savage physical assault Veteran broadcaster and beloved narrator of natural history programmes, Sir David Attenborough, was taken into care this...
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Benedict Cumberbatch to build giant Ark
Many think the flooding is all just another ludicrously expensive government scheme to get rid of these guys… Benedict Cumberbatch was today asked to build a large wooden boat, in which to preserve two...
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We’re all going to die
Well, it was nice while it lasted It has been confirmed this week that pretty much the whole of humanity should expect horrific and violent death in the almost immediate future. A scientific study...
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Antarctic diet working, say climate change sceptics
“Someone left the tap running, that’s all” The surprisingly large number of people who still think climate change isn’t happening said today that the Antarctic was looking especially trim this summer,...
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Met Office gets supercomputer to access best adult sites
Like a big swirly nipple Weather forecasters have hailed the announcement of a new Met supercomputer as “An end to the drudgery of the job, and of making do with the Sunday Sport during ‘toilet’...
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